Thoughts

(my Hubby and Mike, waiting for Abbey to get home on the bus)

I love my husband. Tim is everything and more to me. I rely on him a lot. He always tells me that I am stronger than I think. I usually don't think so.

However, I have learned something about me. When Tim is around I don't want to be strong. But when he is gone, like out of town for a few days gone, I am strong.

Tim had training in Flagstaff Monday through Wednesday this week. I was by myself with all three kids for the first time. I wasn't really looking forward to this fact. But I have to say, it felt... well...good! Sound weird? Let me explain why...

I found waking up at the crack of dawn with my little ones a whole lot easier. We also stuck to our routine a lot more: breakfast, dress, hair, teeth, outside for bus. Not only on time.. but even ahead of time. I found that I got a lot more done around the house, deep cleaning the bathroom and moping included in those three days (very rare to get those things done within a week of each other). I had dinners planned and even stretched and tried a new spaghetti sauce recipe, which was really good. Oh, and family home evening got done with just me to keep the kids still and reverent. But most of all, I found my attitude towards my kids was a lot more easy going, light hearted and patient. In return the kids were the same.

Now don't get me wrong. Things weren't perfect. There was still the whining and fighting. There was still a tired mom (1:30 rolls around and its a struggle to stay awake). And there was definitely still the missing of a dad and husband. But all in all, I found myself able to handle it. I was strong, and it felt good. I was organized and up to the task.

Why was it easier to be strong and do these day to day duties while Tim was gone? Mostly because with out him here, there is no one else to share and help in those duties. Its just me and I know this. I have to do it! It forced me to be strong. I felt like my mom a little. When my dad was gone in the army or on his flying rotation. And that made me feel good too. I think of my mom and I see a strong lady who was the greatest mom. I want to be like her.

When Tim got home Wednesday evening it was exciting for all of us. It was so nice to have his help with dinner and getting the kids in bed. It was so satisfying to watch him play with the kids. It was so fun to sit on the couch with him and relax watching our shows together. It was so comforting to have him sleeping next to me. It was nice to have someone to rely on once again. But I made a resolve to myself. I want to be strong while Tim is home, just like when he is gone. I think he needs me to be strong right now (he has been the strong one a lot these last few years with mom's passing). And I think I'm finally in that place where I can be strong now.
(Mother's day, over at Christine and Jared's house)